A Day of Play in Rishikesh

Hi folks.... here is a video my friend Dave made for me. It is made in wide screen so may be easier to go to you tube to view. I am now in the orphanage I volunteered at 6 years ago for 2 months. It is amazing to be here and see how the kids have grown and developed! It is a beautiful reunion!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope you enjoy the video from Rishikesh a near by city on the Ganga river!

http://youtu.be/TccXqP9dZ5I

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jenrothjen has shared a video with you on YouTube: A Day of Play in Rishikesh I went walking one day in Rishikesh India and took a couple of clips of video of the children and families I played with. When my friend Dave saw them, he thought it would make a great little video and with his know how and creativity this is what we came up with!

New photos from Sarnath and Varanasi

Hi folks. Here are the photos associated with my blog entry “Burning desire to inquire further.” The photos are of Sarnath, where I did my second meditation retreat and Varanasi as discussed in my previous blog. I hope you enjoy. Please see the following link if you are interested in viewing. 

https://plus.google.com/photos/117206002506839877904/albums/5714543352532987809

Many hugs, Jen

Burning desire to inquire further

Well, now that I feel that I have updated you with photos on the previous section of my trip, I am going to try to describe the mind blowing experience of having just left Varanasi, India. As my friend Dave discussed with me.... for folks that have been, no further explanation is needed... and for those that have not, it is almost impossible to portray the complete essence of this city.

I have read that Varanasi is considered the oldest living city in the world, even though it has been attacked and ruined several times, it has managed to remain inhabited and become resurrected. It is regarded as a very holy place by Hindus and Buddhists and has also been called the City of Shiva, a powerful manifestation of God depicted as the destroyer often represented by fire, a lingum (a penis shaped rock), or painted and sculpted with a snake around his neck and a trident in his hand.

The city is situated on the Ganges River and consists of wandering narrow pathways easy to get lost in interspersed with all sorts of shops, cafes and chai stalls. Pedestrians, cows, water buffaloes and motorcycles compete for the right away down these seemingly serene sometimes harrowing lanes. There are 84 Ghats or steep sets of stairs leading down to the Ganga along the length of the city where people from all over the world pilgrimage to in order to bath in the sacred river. There are many Sanyassis (monks) walking around in orange robes or all white begging, praying, performing ceremonies, and serving chai. There are a variety of classes offered in classical music, language lessons, dance, yoga etc. and you can commonly stumble across a concert or in our case one time, women practicing complicated circle dances with sticks. 

The City is also considered to be The City of Good Death, the place where it is believed that a person and their ancestral souls could gain final release and be purified prior to reincarnation. Therefore, people come to Varanasi to die and to be openly cremated by the Ganga River. One can watch the funeral procession in the alley ways where family members are carrying the dead body wrapped in anything from fine cloth to old rags, depending on the financial status of the family, on a bamboo lattice while chanting, "Ram Nam Satya Hai," meaning the name of Ram or God is Truth. The bodies are brought to the open funeral pyres on the river bank, to a podium next to the river, or to the electric burning chamber, again according to financial status. I was told that the only people that can not be cremated are Sadhus, small children, pregnant women (who are all considered to be very holy and their bodies are placed whole in the Ganga) and lepers (who are believed to be a curse from God). There is a small ritual and the oldest son usually starts the fire. Traditionally women are not allowed to witness a cremation, because from what I have been told, they are considered to be too emotional. Typically a body takes about 4 hours to burn depending on how much and what type of wood the family can afford. During the final stage of burning, the eldest son offers a part of the body that hasn't burned to the Ganga for auspiciousness. I did not visit the beach across the river, but it is said that one can walk along and find human bones along the shore line. 

According to Wikipedia, The Ganges river near Varanasi was ranked among the five most polluted rivers of the world in 2007, with fecal levels in the river more than one hundred times the official Indian government limits. A frightening fact when you realize how many people are dependent on this river for their livelihood. And off-putting to say the least when you see people bathing, doing laundry, brushing their teeth and fishing in the river. 

I found myself drawn to watching the cremations and contemplating death. Who dies? Where is this person now? Is that body the person? Did that person stop being himself after his soul left? Now that his body has returned to ash, and parts of it have been set in the Ganga river and I have inhaled the smoke from the fumes of their cremation, is that person a part of the river, the earth, and me? And has it always been! I know, a little far out there for some! But again, this place fosters contemplation on a grand scale!

As you will see in the photos, we were in Varanasi during Shivaratri (The night of Shiva), a grand Hindu holiday. In Varanasi it is celebrated with parades, dancing in the streets and the massive consumption of Bhang (marijuana) lassis. (Apparently people of all ages, young to old are partaking and it is the temples that are providing the mixture).  So as you can imagine, it is a “colorful” event to witness. Luckily my friend Dave and I have the same tolerance for blaring loud speakers, ambling through massive crowds of interesting people, bee-bopping and watching gyrating dancing men and taking it all in with child like curiosity.

Best news ever! Just ran into a friend from home!!!!!!! Started doing photos, but of course… didn’t work out the first try…. So will follow up soon! Big hugs!!! Jen

Long awaited photos

Hey folks! I had a really scary moment! I thought I lost all of my photos from an 8 GB memory card! This is the second time a memory card was infected by an Indian computer and my photos were seemingly erased! My friend Dave was able to recover most of them from this recent card! Shwewh! I'll have to deal with one of the cards when I get home... But for now, I am going to have to share my photos in a new way... So if you are interested in seeing photos from my time at the silent meditation retreat in Tiruvannamalai check out this link below! I hope to do an update on my time in Varanassi VERY soon as it was a mind blowing experience!!!! I am now in Rishikesh and will be heading to volunteer at the orphanage soon! Much love to you all! Hugs, Jen

https://plus.google.com/photos/117206002506839877904/albums/5714532802716802161

It's a bumpy road to Nirvana

"It is not a an intellectual affair but when the heart enters into the mind, the mind has quite a different quality. It is  really, then limitless, not only in its capacity to think, to act efficiently, but also in its sense of living in a vast space where you are part of everything." J. Krishnamurti

Most people would assume signing on for a 30 day silent meditation retreat is about the pursuit of a peaceful experience.... but what you may not realize, is that along with the possibilities of observing and experiencing pleasant, comfortable, and joy filled mind states, comes the likelihood of  facing more difficult emotions and habitual patterns that we have employed since we were little. 

The type or practice that I do is considered Vipassana or insight meditation where one observes thought patterns with the hopes that in watching them, you will come to notice their grip on you and begin to question their truth and in turn lead you to deeper realizations that can bring more peace and happiness. For me, I can sometimes see the neurotic patterns and even laugh at myself, which, seems to ease the attachment I originally had on them. It is quite remarkable to catch sight of the stories our minds create and the knee jerk reactions or emotions and let it be just that without actually responding and then seeing if there are other possibilities that arise. 

While "meditating," I like to dub the roles I play in my personal drama the victim, the villain and the hero as I watch the stories I create and recreate.  It is always a welcomed relief when bliss and peace decide to make a  guest appearance. I am often convinced that while sitting, I have the busiest and most boring mind of anyone in the meditation hall! I mean really, if you are going to repeat the same type of narrative over and over like a 3 year old wanting to watch the same exact section of a Disney film or have you read them the same bed time story book over and over again, couldn't it at least be thinking about quantum physics or how to solve the world's hunger problem? Then someone next of me starts to snore and I think, "Well, at least I am not sleeping!" Because comparing ourselves to others always brings us peace! Not!!!! 

Some enlightening moments: While lying in the meditation hall one evening early in the trip, I heard the beeping of a watch alarm go off a few times. My mind went to, "Wow, why won't that person turn off their alarm?" And when it happened again feeling a little more agitated I thought, "Maybe they don't know how to turn it off." The next time it was going non stop and I was feeling more anger and judged, "How rude! You would think that if they didn't know how to turn it off they would just leave the hall!!!!" After perseverating on that for a while, I think I then ignored it and went on to ruminate about something else. The next night during a "peaceful" meditation I heard the beep again and noticed that it actually was pretty sporadic and that it was coming from multiple directions which led me to the realization that the sound was actually coming from a watch alarm sounding insect of some sort. I really had to laugh at myself every time I tuned into it over the next 28 days or so! 

Another example was reading a post on the bulletin board where notes and replies could be privately posted  to teachers or the managers. Someone wrote an anonymous inquiry asking, "Can someone explain why it sounds like we are living in a war zone?" Remember the peaceful description I wrote in my last blog post? Well there were occasional dynamite blastings that I hardly noticed from someone breaking up rocks down the way. My first reaction was, "Well that seems like a bit aggressive! And why wouldn't someone post it directly to a teacher and sign it instead of needing to make sure we all got and merged with how annoyed he or she was?" Then I thought about it for another minute and considered, if someone was in the military service they would likely be much more tuned into the sound of an explosion and could actually find it quite traumatizing.  Now I don't know if that story was accurate or not either, but considering it allowed me to notice my immediate judgement and drop it and the need to know more about the story. 

The cheating I described was that the retreats were actually designed to be 3 nine day retreats with a day and a 1/2 off in between. I had every intention of staying in silence in between.... but not everyone did.... So during the transition interesting people were connecting and meeting each other and I caved each time. Actually, I was really pleased with my decision each time.... there was plenty of time to stay inward and reflect the other 27 days of retreat! Trust me! 

Well, that is just a little glimpse into the almost impossible to explain, diverse, remarkable, challenging, delightful experience I had on retreat. The retreat I am on now is very different and involves inquiries, where someone has a question, poses it to the teacher and they explore it together until an understanding is reached, along side of small group discussions about other dharma teachings. I am much more in my head here but am enjoying this as well!

Sorry, still no time for photos, but hopefully the next time will do a blog with just that! 

Happy Valentines Day! Sending heart filled love all of your ways! 

Heat Retreat and Menopause

This is going to be my own personal sequel to Elizabeth Gilbert's books Eat Pray Love and Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage. Well, I am out of retreat and still in Tiruvannamali for another day. I am about to do a 3-4 hour full moon hike around Mt Arunachala, an extinct volcano which is one of the holiest Hindu pilgrimage sites in India because Shiva was said to have appeared as a column of of light to form it. Sri Ramana Maharishi was said to reach enlightenment in a cave, which is now a temple on the mountan. I will be heading to Chennai tomorrow in order to fly to Varanasi the next day to attend another meditation retreat with the teacher Christopher Titmuss. I will be travelling with my friend Dave and several new friends met on this previous retreat.

I know I will not have the time or energy to fill you in on everything right now, but wanted to be sure to make some contact. And let you know I am well and continuing to love this journey.

I will start by trying to describe the environment I was in at Anantha Niketan Ashram in Tiruvannamalai. The ashram is on a small farm outside of the city with iridescent green rice paddy fields, beautiful trees to provide well needed shade,  hammocks hung perfectly for napping, papaya and coconut trees to provide fruit, lotus ponds with sublime purple and pink flowers, bright green parrots flying above, cawing crows, an open meditation hall under a tin roof against the rocks, a laundry washing area with stone slabs to beat your clothes against while listening to sheep "baaa" in the farm beyond the fence, stunning nature walks with views of Mt Arunachala and passing smiling local villagers herding their cows, sheep, and goats, brightly painted houses, and flower farms, an echophony (I am of making up my own word here to describe the symphony of crickets, frogs and other insects in the environment serenading you to sleep) of music impossible to ignore, delicious food (well, until the end, where 30 days of eating any similar food will make you crave eating at McDonalds... a gross exageration, but you get the point!), dragon flies and lovely butterflies hovering above, sunny days, light winds billowing to appease the suffering from the heat which was magnified by "fricken" hot flashes that my roommate helped me reframe as power surges, a thatched roof cottage shared with beautiful Jane, who if she was casted in my movie, she would be played by a slightly more elegant, sexy instead of cutesie Meg Ryan with a British accent as the role of Marry Poppins because of her magic bag of potions and lotions for my every need, metal cots with the same material a checkered woven beach lounge is made of with a very thin cotton mattress to sleep on, bucket baths for showers and shared bathrooms with scary giant black ants that hung out on the toilet at night, a small silver snake that I made into a cartoon character in my mind so that it wouldn't freak me out that would drop down from the tin roof of the meditation hall to make her way back up to the tree she lived in just outside the hall, cows with brightly painted horns adorned with fake flowers and bells, children on one size fits all bikes riding past the ashram on their way to and from  school, nemesis mosquitoes that laughed at our insect repellent and buzzing flies challenging your practice, and a few children of workers and visiting from the village to help out in exchange for food that provided constant joy.

If you thought that staying in silence for 30 days was an amazing accomlishment.... (I cheated a little... will explain later)... get a load of the schedule I withheld!!!! 6:00 wake up.... 6:30 gentle yoga.... 3 meals a day, sitting/lying and walking meditations scattered throughout the day/eve, with a daily dharma talk and evening chanting ending at 8:15 and often bed by 9:30! Now THAT'S amazing! I know right? Who am I? But I did it! And it was wonderful. I have to meet someone to go to dinner and then do this walk in 10 minutes so will end here for now with pictures and more to follow as soon as possible!!!! And will reply to individual emails as soon as possible!

Much love to you all!

Jen

An open heart can sometimes feel like a broken heart

Happy New Year to you all! Thank you so much for your individual emails recently and sorry I have not been able to respond individually. I just left Anandawan a few days ago and took an 8 hour train ride followed by a 6 hour shared taxi with 5 other friends from the Sangha Seva retreat to make it all the way South to Tiruvannamalai for my 30 day meditation retreat with Open Dharma. A beautiful Sangha of people from all over the world that come together mostly in India and Europe to practice meditation and individualized spiritual practice. My 30 day silent retreat starts tomorrow so I was hoping to send a quick update and a few photos prior to starting that. I still feel like I don't quite have the words to describe my time at Anadawan, but I can say that my heart felt cracked open by the beautiful people that reside and work there as well as the volunteers that I was working with. The end concluded in a dramatic farewell with me saying my good byes to Jyoti, the young woman with severe limitations from her crippling arthritis and the elders in her room, in which I burst in to tears and started a domino effect of whaling elders who were then embracing me with grandmotherly tight gripping hugs and drying my tears with their saris.

What lead me to this moment had little to do with verbal communication, because most people spoke no English at all and I have about 3 phrases in Hindi that work good enough for me to greet someone and then get into trouble as they ramble on continued statements and I stare blankly back into their faces until we resign to the fact with a smile and funny head bob that we don't really know what the other is saying at all. And I have no Marathi which is the primary language at Anadawan. The connections came from smiles, sharing stories (that we ended up interpreting as we wished) in our own languages with theatrical body language and facial expressions, exchanging massages (because at some point, some of the elders that we were giving massages to would start to grab our arms and shoulders and start to massage us back...., to wheelchair walks/rides to the founder of Anadawan, Baba Amte's, grave site, to taking Neesha to a playground and holding her as we swang on a swing or playing endless games of tic tac toe with Sandeep. It is actually really hard to explain in words how I became deeply impacted and connected to this beautiful community in 3 weeks time. And I can only hope that I will be able to return some time soon to reconnect.

I have now tried 2 separate times to download about 30 photos for you to see some of the faces that I have fallen in love with... only to have them disappear... (~2 hours worth of WORK! Ugh, I do not like this blogging Sam I am!) so I will try one last time and hope that I can send a few out.

Sandeep is 16 years old. He was brought to Anandawan with a very advanced stage of leprosy. For this reason he has has lost several of his digits and has had to have an amputation. He is an amazing kid and has been a spiritual teacher to all of us here and he loves art work!

A strange way of showing love! But it works! 

Really, It does!

Lovely Jyoti in bed (her legs are permanently fused in this position) with equally beautiful Gaby who helped discover Jyoti's love for painting.

strangely distorted again.... Really people! Is it me? Or is it blogspot?

Surrounded by love, with her sister visiting to the left.

Sweet Neesha going for a walk with Dave.

The older girls from the deaf school really took to Neesha and agreed to visit her in the hospital while we are gone.

Some of the amazing elders. This is Laxmi who is a witch. People come to her for amulets.

Another Laxmi who at first appeared to have an endless pit of needs and desire for anything you were supplying, for example massage or massage or hair oil, without any appearance of satisfaction, who in the end grabbed my face in her hands and said, "beautiful girl" which, was the only bit of English I had heard her express the entire time we were there.

I can't remember her name... but she is about a head shorter then me and comes up to you with a big smile and loves to show you her one arm that has been amputated, as if to say, "Can you believe it?" Or at least that is my interpretation!

Oogie Moogie. I kid you not! I may have the spelling incorrect, but that is her name and she is pure love!

Baby with one of the facilitators of our retreat The Goddess... Zohar!

Mousy, the wound "Nurse." Folks are not necessarily formally trained for their positions in a school. She has had leprosy as well and has hand deformities, but none the less performs endless hours of wound care daily.

Some of the boys, who I unfortunately did not get to know as well.

This guy is hysterical. Every time he would see any of us he would do a little jiggy with his arms up in the air.

Nicknamed, "Popeye"

Working in the wood shop

This man is blind and does an amazing job at building furniture.

Some of the children

 Well, I really could go on and on forever. We had many adventures in the local town. One of which we were looking for 2 little girls that became our guides on one of the first days we were here. We went into her school thinking maybe we could find her by knowing her first name and age. When the head master said to my friend Dave, "Sir, we have 3,000 students in this school." We knew we had met defeat. But he walked us around the school rousing the interests of students and teachers none the less. What we didn't know was that as we were fixing to leave, the recess bell rang and ~2,000 of those students came literally stampeding out, some falling down and getting trampled on all to get a look at and meet the white foreigners.... they were asking us to autograph their notebooks and body parts!!! The principal and head master had to pull us back into the office and threaten some of the kids with a cricket bat! Such a strange phenomenon!!

Or I could tell you about our wonderful invitation to a local village to meet with elders and discuss Buddhism and have a delicious meal served... which lead to meeting more amazing people, a roof top dance party and flying by the seat of our pants to discuss our practice of Buddhism as compared to theirs at their local temple.

Durga and Rani... Our personal guides for the day.

David and Chloe, new friends, busting a move

But it was this little one, who really knew what she was doing!

Well, that should do it for now! I think I may actually be ready to enter 30 days of silence after this post!!!! Believe it or not, after I finish this retreat, I leave the very next day on a 2 day train trip to the North to start another 10 day retreat (not in silence).... So once again, I will be in touch as soon as possible. Much love and many blessings for a health filled, love filled, adventure filled new year!